Eyeball Tracking

Today I've done some art. My brain feels nice and satisfied and happy now. I like if my brain's happy :)

I've grabbed the flatmate and met up with another friend at the Hayward Gallery to check out an exhibition by Pipilotti Rist. It started with an underwear chandelier (ahem) and went on to be quite awesome with video installations that you could walk through and sit down in. Comfy AND inspiring. Included in the ticket was entry to Condo - Mental States which was, erm, a tad mental and disturbing. Interesting, but really weird. We had to go down and sit in the pretty video landscape for a bit afterwards to get the happy back. Got drawn in by a press photo exhibition in the Royal Festival Hall on the way back, which was good, and then got some food and a tasty brownie at one of the Real Food market stalls. That's what I call a good Sunday!

Yesterday I trekked over to North London to meet up with some friends and do some art (well, I didn't, they did) and play a bit of Kinect. I really, really want a Kinect. And a big TV. And a living room that's big enough to play it. There was sociability and tasty foodstuffs and loads of jumping around. Came home happy and a bit exhausted.

Next week might feature two trips to the movies and a visit to the Ideal Home Christmas Show.

Last week I went over to Germany for a long weekend. It was mostly relaxing, as visits to my parents usually are. I've bought new glasses which I'll collect when I got back at Christmas. I also went to my German gynecologist for a long due check-up, which apparently was pretty due - I got told to stop taking the pill as I'm too old now (over 37 the risks seem to go up considerably) and I also seem to have a myoma in my uterus. As such, this is not dangerous and 1 in 4 women have it, it only gets unpleasant when it grows too big. Mine seems to be ok for now, but I have to go back for 6 monthly checkups. I don't particularly like the idea that there's something inside me that's not supposed to be there, but before the ultrasound I didn't even know it was there and the doctor's not worried so I probably shouldn't be, either.

Other than that, all is fine and I'm looking forward to some busy weekends.

Resurfacing

 
Things that what happened in the days since the last update:

I've got a new phone! Hooary! In the end, and with an awful lot of procrastination & to-ing & fro-ing I went for the HTC Legend on a Vodafone contract. The number (my old one) went live today & I'm slowly getting to grips with high tech shiny phone. I've basically moved from stoneage (4 year old Motorola Razr) to spaceage. I now has interwebs on tha phone!

My hayfever is back. This coincides with the weather getting sunnier & warmer, which is extremely annoying as I like the weather, but not sneezing myself to death. At the moment my options are a) take antihistamines, stop sneezing but feel tired & turn into a zombie or b) not take antihistamines, have massive sneezing fits and feel tired & turn into a zombie. I'd go for option c) if there was one, but I haven't found it yet.

I really have to do something about my weight. I don't want to get fat again & I definitely want to fit into my cute summer dresses (yeah, if I had some). So far I've identified nuts as the main culprits for my weight gain. Yes, they're healthy, but I was eating way too many. I'd want to go on a sugar detox, but I'm not sure anyone would still talk to me afterwards. It's a thought I'm entertaining, anyway. Things would be awesome if I'd manage to get through the first week without killing/offending anyone & not go crazy.

Another thing (boys might want to skip this paragraph) is that my breast are incredibly tender at the moment. They're massive, tight, heavy & swollen. It doesn't feel nice. I used to get this quite often when I was younger & not on the pill, but now I'm on the pill, PMS shouldn't happen & still my breasts turn against me. A healthier diet (less salt, caffeine & stress) might fix this, I'm also suspecting that I'm eating too much soy at the moment, which can act as estrogen source. I'm really fond of my soymilk in the morning & in my tea & I love tofu, but I've just bought some rice milk to see if I can use that as a replacement at least occasionally. I don't want to have to buy new bras...

Oh, and I'm still working like mad. It's staring to interfere with my life, which is not good. I'm too tired & braindead in the evening to actually still want to do stuff & meet people, & I don't want that. I love my social life & my friends, I need that to be happy & functioning. I haven't quite figured out what I could do to fix this, as work obviously won't just calm down (althought it might, well, no, not really).

So, what's the plan, Stan? Things I want to get done in the weeks to come:

• find something that makes my breast behave normal again
• loose weight/eat healthier
• get back into rebounding at least 4 times a week with a yoga session afterwards, I've been neglecting this due to feeling ill/shit/stressed
• really make a bit more effort to find a boy, OKCupid's just not cutting it
• be more sociable again, even if I have to force myself a little
• get doctor's appointments sorted out for next month
• make sure I relax & not just mope around

Up, Down & All Around

 

I kinda regained my normal level of wakefulness sometime around Thursday afternoon. I still wasn't really up for lots of activities & blame it on the weather. Hey, I'm living in the UK, after all.

I could've gone out Friday evening to some pub electro DJ thing or other, but it was cold, wet & generally not very pleasant outside (see, all that talk about the weather, I'm turning British) and I couldn't really be arsed.

Yesterday I ventured over to Camden, to get that wrap skirt I'd seen but didn't buy because of lack of cash. It had gone on sale, down to £25 from £35, so the waiting turned out ok in the end. And the skirt I wanted was still there, hooray! And because I just cannot go to the market & not buy other shit, I also acquired a necklace with a large oval green glass pendant & a necklace with red plastic stars. Classy, I know. I also bought myself a collar to complement my TG outfit (worked a treat, didn't get all those pesky subby guys asking if I want to be their mistress).

So, yes, TG. I haven't been to Torture Garden for quite a while, I just wasn't feeling it anymore. Not having a partner also tipped the scales in giving it a miss more often than not. But Liam had rounded up some people to go to the Valentine's Ball & I figured that going in a large group would be alright. I put together a pretty decent outfit (black corset, black tutu, fishnets & extremely gothy boots & pigtails, the gothic doll look) and went down to Brixton to meet up with Liam & Nicola's gang. The people were alright. Nothing more, nothing less. We chatted for a bit, some taxi ordering chaos ensued & in the end we made it to SE1 well after midnight. Queued for the tickets, queued for the cloakroom, queued for the bar. It was incredibly busy, as most big TG balls are & I really wasn't impressed. We wandered for a bit, I ignored one of Nicola's friend's attempts to chat me up (so not interested), then went off by myself. Bumped into other people I know, which was cool, engaged in some people watching, which was nice as well. Danced a bit, sat around for a bit. It wasn't really bad, but it wasn't really good, either. Anyway, we stayed till the end, somehow, but it was still another 45 minutes until the tube started running when they kicked us out. Not wanting to take the bus & definitely not wanting to hang around London Bridge station for almost an hour, I went back to Brixton for the afterparty. Got some breakfast on the way (a rather depressing egg & tomato sandwich, yuck) & got changed into normal clothes. Gave the whole afterparty thing a go, but I'm so spoiled in regards to afterparties thanks to my amazing friends that this party just didn't cut it. One of the guys in the group had also managed to chat up a girl last minute (we'd seen him get turned down by a girl around 5.30am, so he'd only had a very brief window to find another one, but he'd done it) & she was getting on my nerves big time. She was the perfect example that just because you're a doctor (psychiatrist, apparently) doesn't mean you're intelligent. She was very girly, very chatty & very over him. The others were politely ignoring her, but the whole vibe of the party wasn't great, so I said my goodbyes around 8am & made my way home.

Got back around 9am, exhausted but not very tired. I had a little pick-me-up early in the night, nothing else after that, but my body seemed to think that it's daytime & therefore we're awake. Hmph. Managed to claim 2 hours or so of sleep before giving up around noon. It seems that once I'm past a certain time (6 or 7am, I guess) I just can't fall asleep properly. I usually drift into a state of not being quite conscious, but it's hard work & the results are not great. It's always been like that. I can have lie-ins, but not for much longer than noon or 1pm, no matter what time I went to bed. It's worse when I'm drunk, so alcohol is not an option, either. And I don't do daytime naps. They completely fuq me up. If I manage to fall asleep at all during daytime, after waking up again I'll spend the rest of the day in a zombie-like trance. The only option I have once I'm past that magical threshold of snooze is to stay awake until the evening. Unfortunately that doesn't entail alertness, I'm still tired & shouldn't be let anywhere near heavy machinery, traffic or people.

This is why I love afterparties (my friends' afterparties, not any afterparty) so much, because they get me through that day relatively painlessly. I have to make sure not to overdo it & actually kill the next night's sleep as well, but I'm getting better at that.

I'm hoping that I can properly catch up on sleep tonight & don't drag the sleep dep into next week. Work's busy, my boss is on holiday, I'm trying to make a good impression & my colleague has now decided that I'm the one in charge & first point of contact for any questions. Which is nice, as that's what I'm aiming for job wise anyway, but also quite stressful coz in the end I'm not her manager & have only been there for about 2 months.

5 more hours until bedtime.