A Very White Christmas

Oh, behold, Christmas is over. And it was really, really lovely.

But let's start from the beginning. I didn't make it over to Av's because London got snowed in the Saturday before Christmas. As in proper snow, not that fizzly stuff that thaws as soon as it hits the ground. I braved the weather to go to the post office to finally collect my work Xmas pressie, then had to witness the local choir murdering some Christmas carols with the help of a totally unqualified guitarist. Arrived home looking like a snow-woman & decided to not go down to South London as the risk of not being able to return home was a big too high for my liking. Instead I huddled up in the house & took a few pictures to prove that we actually had snow in case it disappears again over night.

Well, it didn't. Disappear, that is. Instead it lingered & caused Heathrow to shut down for a good 3 days. Apparently they were unable to clear the runways or whatever, I still don't understand how an airport can be so bloody unprepared. Anyway, a lot of fretting ensued as BA kept canceling flights left right & center, I actually bought flights from Gatwick (which, surprisingly, only shut for a few hours on Saturday & pretty much returned to normal on Monday) just in case & secured a lift by car from a colleague just in case. Yes, I REALLY wanted to go home as the last time I'd seen my parents was sometime early summer.

Inbetween all of this was my second work Xmas party, unfortunately on the evening before I was due to leave so I only stayed for dinner & wasn't around to witness my colleagues getting drunk & disorderly. Bummer.

Just in time for my flight home Heathrow/BAA announced that they were up & operating again, so in the end I made it home to Germany with some delay (45 minutes) but I made it. Dusseldorf airport was a proper Winter Wonderland when we landed - faced with that amount of snow Heathrow probably would have shut down until spring. It took almost an hour for my bags to arrive as the little luggage carriers had problems with the snow and it took about 3 times as long to drive home as the motorway kept getting snowed in.

But thanks to my Dad's driving we arrived at my parents house safe & sound. There was a lot of catching up, I decorated the shiniest tree ever (or so they say), a lot of tasty food was eaten, snow was shoveled, I saw my brother's new house for the first time (it's a shell but I'm sure it'll look great) but couldn't go into the garden as the snow was too high, more snow shoveling & de-icing and some shopping was done. I canceled my BA flight to stay in Germany for one more day & would've loved to stay longer but I had to work today & there wasn't enough snow to ground & cancel my flight back.

Having been back in my home country made me realise how much I miss it. I love that my parent's house is always warm (central heating that works), that I can take a shower where the water actually pours down on you (rainforest shower head & decent water pressure FTW), the town & the shops are so clean & organised. I'm not quite ready to go back yet, but I actually found myself entertaining the thought more & more the longer I stayed.

Going back to London was harder than usual, I honestly didn't want to leave this time. I didn't help that I had to face the usual shambles that is the UK as soon as I got off the plane & boarded the train to Victoria. Which didn't leave the platform for a good half hour & then we got told that we had to board the train opposite (no reason given why we couldn't leave in the one we were in), which subsequently was overcrowded & even more delayed. I finally made it back home around midnight, too wired to go to sleep right away so I unpacked & then curled up under my amazingly cosy duvet.

Work today was busy as hell and tomorrow will follow the same pattern, I was the last of my team to leave at 3pm, though, so I shouldn't really complain. Alas it only means I've got even more stuff to finish tomorrow & I really want to leave early on NYE as I was planning to pick up my passport from the Indian consulate.

My reward for all of this will be the Monkey NYE bash, which everybody hopes will be even more epic than last time. Something to look forward to.

I'm also pondering goals for next year, which I really hope will be better than the last.

Just Keep Going

'twas quite a week.

The dreaded agency debrief on Monday actually went quite well, mostly thanks to the head honcho of the agency presenting who was acting decidedly weird towards me. Must've dented his ego or something. My presentation in the afternoon did go ok as well according to feedback (I thought I was rambling a bit too much). And I made it out to Winter Wonderland in the evening to meet up with Frani & her friends & be sociable. I'll probably go back there tomorrow to hunt for Xmas presents (my flatmates demand I give the presents).

Tuesday was pretty uneventful. I roasted my first ever batch of chestnuts in the oven & didn't burn down the house. They were quite tasty as well. I count this as a WIN.

Had my GP registration appointment on Wednesday morning, which was thoroughly disappointing. It was just the nurse checking my pee for diabetes & any signs of cystitis, I also got a little lecture about being somewhat overweight which ended in her giving me a leaflet on healthy eating. Great. I was hoping for a blood test & some advice on my travel health, but apparently you need to make extra appointments for that. What a waste of time.

Thursday morning I set off towards Victoria to sort out my visa for India. I arrived on time, got seen & then turned away pretty quickly. I stupidly mentioned that I work in media in my visa application form, which I should've realised when I selected it that it was a huge mistake. Saying you've got anything to do with TV, journalism or similar professions is always a bad idea when you want to visit countries that are a little bit tetchy about people seeing what actually goes on. So I got to work only one hour late, arranged with my boss that I would take the remaining 3 hours on Friday & spent most of the morning battling the online visa application form. It took various attempts until I finally got something that looked like they would accept it.

And then the power went out shortly after lunchbreak. I was in the middle of telling our student placement's advisor how great he is (he really does a pretty good job) when lights went out. And they stayed out until they sent us home 2 hours later. Which meant we got to leave for my team's Xmas dinner earlier than expected.

I don't particularly like spending non-work time with my colleagues, but the evening turned out rather pleasant. We had a few drinks in some random pub near Carnaby Street, then ventured over to Revolution in SoHo & finally had something to eat at Busaba Eathai in Wardour Street. Totally tasty food, good veggie choices, too. The evening was rounded off in The Sun & 13 Cantons (what a name for a simple pub).

Today I've made another attempt at securing a visa for my upcoming holiday, didn't get turned away this time & I really hope that all goes well. Grabbed a sandwich at Eat, then loitered outside the STA Travel shop until they opened to visit the travel clinic. I tried to go to my GP for my jabs, but they only do a travel clinic once a week at totally useless times & the first possible appointment would have been on 11th Jan. Seriously. The guy/doctor at Nomad was cool, he checked the malaria situation for me (don't need anything for that) & stuck a few needles into my arm. Yes, I had to pay for the pleasure, but it's done, it went fine & I feel safe in the knowledge that the person advising me on my travel health knew what he was talking about. He also got totally excited about international certification of vaccinations booklet, which lists all vaccinations I've had since I was a baby.

Shots done, I rewarded myself with a Starbucks Chai Tea & made my way to work. We had a really impressive bout of snow in the afternoon (not much left of it, though) & my arm now hurts from that damn tetanus jab. I'm praying that the snow/fog situation will be alright for me to get home on Thursday (cue obsessive-compulsive checking of weather forecast), there's a definite threat of more snow for the weekend but things are still up in the air after that.

I'll hopefully get good news about my visa next week & maybe I'll make it to Av's Xmas bash tomorrow.

Now excuse me while I snuggle up in my cosy duvet, it's cold & Friday.

Gaps & Minding

I've just come home from the Monkey Birthday party. 'twas nice, although it took me quite a while to get into the swing of things, for some reason I wasn't really feeling it & making a connection with my friends seemed to take more effort than usual. Apparently I have days when I'm incredibly sociable & find it really easy to talk to people & have fun. Last night wasn't one of those days, but I'm glad I didn't just give up & made a run for it, but stayed & enjoyed myself quite a bit after all.

I did have some rather nice conversations & don't feel too wrecked right now, which is really good & goes to prove that I at least got something right. The afterparty was easier as it was less people & we even got cooked delicious food! I could've done without coming home & finding that some c**** has vandalised our satellite dish. Granted, it hangs quite low, which some drunk bastard (we suspect it was one of our neighbours or their guests) took as an invitation to rip the receiver off. It's not like we have millions of people walking past our door every day, the entrance to our flat is at the back of the building, which means only neighbours & their visitors have any reason to shuffle past. Might go investigate tomorrow, I'm really not in the mood for it tonight. I've already called the service desk & made an engineer appointment, so we should get a new dish after Christmas. Until then the damage has been very expertly fixed by applying copious amounts of electrical tape.

The past week wasn't quite as bad as I'd feared, although I came very close to killing my contacts in the agency I currently have to deal with. I've rarely seen such a shoddy presentation of research findings, I ended up re-writing headlines & correcting quite a few mistakes, only to get a very snippy reply by the boss of the agency. I think I handled the situation professional enough to show my boss I can deal with such things & don't think I'm going to use said agency again in the future if I can avoid it. I'm not at all looking forward to the official debrief session on Monday. This will also be the day when I have to present some research to the channel team - I really hope I won't have to deal with all of this on a weekend hangover.

And it's not just the Monday at work, next week looks like it's going to be fairly busy. I'm meeting up with Frani in Winter Wonderland in Hyde Park on Monday evening, got my GP registration appointment on Wednesday morning & my team Xmas dinner in the evening. My dear colleagues have decided to choose a Brazilian restaurant for this occasion as they serve huge meat skewers there & none of them feels they can live for a day without ingesting dead animals (this pleasure costs less than £20, which says a lot about the quality of the meat if you ask me). Very considerate of them indeed knowing that I'm a vegetarian. Apparently the side dish buffet isn't all that bad, which probably means loads of salad smothered in mayonnaise & pasta covered in cheese. I think I'll just get a sandwich, thank you.

I've got my visa appointment at the Indian Embassy on Thursday morning at 8.45am, after already having filled out a mahoosive online visa application. I'll have to take another half-day off to go collect my passport again, but at least I don't have to entrust the Royal Mail with delivery of it. Which is exactly where my company Xmas present is currently residing. They've sent it to my home address instead of to my desk at work & unsurprisingly I wasn't home on a workday. The Post Office is only open from 9am to 5.30pm (guess what my work hours are) & we have already established that I was neither in the area nor in a fit state to collect the parcel today. I really hope it'll still be there next Saturday, which is the only day I can actually go pick it up.

There might be a pre-Xmas bash in South London on Saturday evening if I'm not too shattered after the week. And my department's Xmas Do is on the day before I leave for Germany. I just can't win at the moment it seems.

If all of that wasn't enough, I'm in the process of a major soul searching quest, brought on by irrevocably being in my 40's now & the year in general not going quite as splendid as I'd wished it would. More of that later, I don't think my current state of mind is in any way helpful to elaborate.

Let Them Eat Cake

Things so didn't go as planned.

I've managed to come down with a particularly nasty version of the lurgy just in time for my birthday. It all started to go downhill on Wednesday. I was feeling fine in the morning, but then started sneezing like there was no tomorrow around midday and by evening I was feeling seriously ill. I did manage to go food shopping for my party and dinner before succumbing to the ill, but didn't really get around to enjoying my lovingly cooked stir fry as by that time I'd already totally lost my appetite. Things took a turn for the worse over night, which I mainly spent alternating between being really unpleasantly hot and shivering. Woke up feeling like someone had hit me in the face with a large hammer, called in sick and hid under the duvet for most of the day. Seeing that there was no way I'd be up to a huge party, I rescheduled my birthday party for Saturday, which unfortunately meant not being able to see loads of my friends as obviously people had already made plans for the rest of the weekend (or come down with the lurgy themselves).

Anyway, John (who was just as lurgyfied as me) stopped by on Friday for a bit and I had a small but lovely party last night, so all's not bad. I'm already plotting a big all-nighter for the next year, have to make the most of the house while I'm there!

I'm still coughing and my nose is perpetually blocked which means I've lost most of my sense of smell, but my appetite has come back and I'm not feeling all that ill any more.

And despite being home sick, having 4 days off in a row was nice, although it means I'll be super busy next week.

3 Mondays to Christmas!

Head Squirreling

 Has it been 2 weeks already? Wow. Time flies. I'm getting old. Yes, I really am.


It's my birthday in a week, I'm turning 40. Yes, indeed. If there ever has been a time for a mid-life crisis, it's now. I've been doing some looking back/looking forward recently, which probably hasn't contributed to me being happy, but I guess it had to be done.

Basically, there has been quite a bit of head squirreling. My brain's a real bitch, it knows when I'm weak & then hits me. Like that night when I couldn't sleep. Instead of sending me comforting images of fluffy sheep & cute dragons, my brain decided to engage me in interesting conversation. Like, pointing out that my love life hasn't really been that hot for a while. Or reminding me that my boyfriend for 8 years, all through my 20s, is now married & has a child (or two, maybe three, I haven't stalked him for a long, long time). And then making it quite clear to me that, well, I'm a bit of a failure in that regard. It was a long & not very pleasant discourse. But it left me feeling somewhat better about myself. My life just isn't like most lives, I'm not like most people, so better get used to it.

Anyway, to distract myself of pesky brain rodents, I attended Elysian Project @ Electrowerks a weekend ago & despite my concerns, it was quite excellent. The afterparty was lovely as well, I managed to reconnect with some of my friends. I also found out that FB fucked up & didn't send the invite to my birthday party to everyone I put on the list. Which means half of the people I invited only found out last week that there's a party at mine & quite a lot have already made other plans. I'm having a party anyway, even if it's going to be a somewhat smaller affair than planned. I can always have another party next year, it's not that my flatmates would get in the way (I think they're both planning on hiding for the weekend).

This weekend was spent attending more parties. First one was Planet Angel's Free Party on Friday, an event I didn't plan to go to as, quite honestly, PA has lost it's appeal for me. It was nice while it lasted, but now something else has to be found. Hence I didn't try to secure a ticket for said party, but Cherelle did & dragged me along. T'was ok, we stayed for an hour or so & then decided that we're really not feeling the love. I even got a ride back, which was awesome seeing that Acton is not quite as well connected in the night bus department as Kilburn was. I fell into bed around 3am, then couldn't sleep for another hour because I just didn't get warm, but then passed out until 1pm. I then proceeded to amble to Morrisons to get some food & start to get ready for the next party. Charlie was celebrating her new boobs, so I trekked to North London in the freezing cold. Her boyfriend's flat was boiling, though, and there was tasty food & pleasant people, so it was worth it. Nevertheless, I got tired around 1am & embarked on the long, tedious & aggravating journey home. I haven't quite figured out the fastest way to get home yet, and the route I took last night wasn't the best idea I ever had. I really could've done without the 10 minute hike through the freezing cold as well, but the only nightbus that stops in front of our house only runs every 30 minutes & the next one was due in 20 minutes. It took a good 5 minutes until I could feel my toes again once I'd finally reached the cozy warmth of my bedroom.

Today was a lazy day, I didn't leave the house at all. Instead, I had my hairdresser come to mine. Nice.

Tomorrow there's going to be a tube strike, which doesn't really worry me as I'm a posh bitch that gets the shuttle bus to work. It kinda put a spanner in the works of my idea to go to Oxford Street after work to get some Christmas stuff, but I can always do that on Tuesday. Tomorrow's also going to be the day that I finalize the booking for my trip to India in February. I'm well excited & have already started making a list of things I need to get sorted before I leave (most important points being getting a visa & topping up my vaccinations).

Thursday I'll join Lynn to watch the latest sequel in the Harry Potter epic. I've got Friday off to prepare my birthday party, which hopefully will fill up most of my weekend.

Not sure what happens after that, but I've been told Christmas is only 4 Mondays away.

Well, Maybe Not

I've had a look at a room in a flatshare today, thought I might as well keep my eyes open but this place isn't what I want. Which is not too depressing, as things are actually not that bad at the moment in my current place.

Since I bought a new TV (a 22'' LCD HD widescreen) & moved the Sky box into my room (with no help from my flatmates, though) I can watch TV in a warm, cosy room - either heated by our central heating or a quite good electric heater. My room is comfy, the kitchen gets warm ok if you put the heating on & cook, so basically as long as I don't get the idea to spend a lot of time in the lounge I'm kinda ok. The landlord seems to be an extremely busy person, but we have the number of the plumber & the handyman (who lives next door) now, so if we really need to we can take matters in our own hands. The plumber's a bit flaky, but I guess that comes with the profession, but he came over yesterday to bleed the radiators, change some settings on the boiler & even promised to talk our landlord into installing thermostats on our radiators. If the handyman (again, a very flaky & extremely busy person) now would get around to installing the loft insulation, we might even be on the way to making this place quite livable.

And it's not as if my flat & the flatmates don't have advantages. I can have people over if I want to (& get the place warm) without anyone complaining. I can come home whenever I want to & in whatever state I might be in, they know me & my lifestyle & are ok with it.

I do miss living with sociable people & it sure would be nice to have a place that's warm all the time, but that might not be possible at the moment in the configuration I'd like.

I'm thinking it might be a good idea to just wait for a while, get my thoughts & wants in order & then come up with a nifty move. Cue mad laughter.

In an attempt to find sociable-ness outside my abode, I met up with John today to check out the latest exhibition at the Wellcome Collection, High Society, which basically looks into drug use across the centuries. It was really interesting, but after some really excellent & well thought through previous exhibitions, I was a bit disappointed to not find more information & insights. It made me go "ah" a few times, but generally could've done with something more.

After an exploration of the bookshop in the same building (which by the way is excellent), I made my way towards Oxford Street to stock up on facial cream & lingerie. I hit La Senza first, got measured (apparently I'm now a 80 DD, which I'm not entirely sure applies to other bras except for the ones in that shop) & bought 2 bras, then wandered over to the perfume section of Selfridges to get some new Clinique face cream. I also wanted to get new deodorant, I've basically been using the same brand since I've started using deodorant. Yes, honestly. I've strayed a few times, only to return again because it's the best stuff EVER. Which has now been discontinued in the UK, or so I've been told. I'm shocked & slightly worried that they've stopped selling it in Germany as well, which would mean I'd have to find a new deodorant AFTER ALL THOSE YEARS! (ok, I've just checked on the Lancome website & it's still listed there. Quite possibly the person selling Lancome stuff in Selfridges was lying just to upset me)

There's more sociable-ness coming up on the next weekends, with Elysian Project next Friday, a party at Charlies to celebrate her new boobs (don't ask) the week after & my birthday beginning of December. I'm currently a tad worried as responses to my invite on FB haven't been as numerous as expected, but I hope that's going to pick up closer to the date. It would be a shame if now that I can have parties in my flat people are not interested or too busy to attend.

So, things are not as bleak & I feel less whiny than when I was writing the previous posts, but the flat situation needs a good looking into & my social life needs a good kicking as well.

On A Mission - Maybe

We're shut off from the rest of the World (aka London) this weekend, they've suspended both tube lines going into town. Awesome, well done TFL. Despite of that, I've made my way to Ealing to have a little chat to the Estate Agencies again. Only to find out that I won't be able to secure the lease on a 2 bed flat on my salary. This basically means that my original plan to find a lovely, cosy, warm & as close to German standards as possible flat & then look for a suitable flatmate won't work. As it stands I'd have to find the flatmate FIRST & then get the flat, which is exactly what I don't want.

Not that there are currently any flats on the market in the first place. One of the agents tried showing me a place that she said was just what I'm looking for - thankfully the current tenants were still asleep due to going a bit overboard while celebrating Diwali & I didn't have to break to her that actually, that place was pretty shite. This was before someone told me I wouldn't be able to rent it, anyway.

So my options are:
1. Find someone to share with & go flathunting together
2. Move further out of London & get a studio/one bed flat on my own
3. Leave this fucking country & move somewhere where I can afford a nice place
4. Get a better paying job/raise/promotion
5. Hit gumtree & find a flatshare that fulfills most of my requirements

I can't see 1 happening as none of my friends wants to live in West London. I would consider 2 if all else fails. 3 is very tempting, but I like my job & my friends & London if it wasn't for the abysmally bad housing situation. 4 is a nice thought, but not very likely to happen. Which leaves me with 5 (& 2 as my plan B). It's not going to be easy.

Or I could just stay where I currently am, freeze & feel guilty every time I turn on the heating. Yeah, not ideal, either.

On another note, I'm still trying to distract me from the misery that is English housing by making an effort to be more sociable. Frani came over on Friday for a massive catch up & a home-cooked vegan dinner, both of which was great & made me happy. And I went to a Halloween party on Saturday, dressed up as a gothy witch, which was quite cool, too. The weather hasn't been as cold as the previous weeks, which means I've actually had a few quite decent days in our current flat.

It's set to get colder again next week, though, and I'm starting to panic again. And my flatmates kinda have someone lined up to take my room already, so I should make up my mind if I want to do the flatshare-hunting or just hole up in my room with my heater & wait for winter to pass.

Honestly, if anything's ever going to be the final straw that makes me leave London it's going to be the living situation (oh, and the medical care, which to be quite frank, is just as bad as the houses).

Despicable Me

To distract myself from flat woes & spent the evening in a warm environment, I went to see Despicable Me on Tuesday.

It's awesome.

It's well made & actually has humor for grown-ups as well.

It's incredibly, insanely cute.

It made me giggle quite a lot.

I want a minion.

Go see it!!!!!

(4 out of 5 little yellow stars)

Our House

There's a problem with my new place. It's cold. Really cold. It wasn't so bad when we moved in (August), but even then you noticed the lounge being distinctly colder than the rest of the house. Now that it's autumn & frosty, the temperature difference between back & front of the house has become even more noticeable. While the kitchen is quite bearable even without heating & seems to keep warm quite long, the lounge (& upstairs bedrooms) resembles a freezer. It takes ages to get warm, while the radiator in the hallway happily toasts the staircase & loft, & gets cold again as soon as the radiators cool down.

This massively pisses me off. It's actually making me quite miserable. I like my house warm, without having to throw money out of the window to keep it that way. It doesn't help that one of my flatmates claims to never feel cold & the other one hides in her room with a little fan heater.

I'm entirely not happy & this situation is not made better by my flatmates not really being very sociable types. I spend most of the evenings I'm at home alone in the lounge, while they hide in their rooms to watch their own TV. I like my personal space as much as everybody else, but I'm not living in a flatshare because I don't want to hang out with people.

I've spent most of this week trying to figure out what to do. Not that there is much I can do, except move. And this is made difficult by the fact that I've signed a 12 month joint lease.

The landlord's coming over tomorrow & will hopefully make the radiator in the bathroom go warm, tell us how to turn off the one in the kitchen & be able to tell me when the boiler has last been serviced (I'm assuming never). I don't think he's going to be very open to my suggestion to insulate the wall & the loft, which is what this place really needs.

Depending on how all of this turns out, it might start hitting the estate agents again.

Bugger.

Back!

Oh, hello! Been gone for a while, what with moving house & Sky taking absolute ages to sort out my interwebs (they were even worse getting my TV set up, but hey, I'm not paying for anything so can't really complain).

Things wot happened since I left Kilburn & set up shop in Acton were many.

I had a wonderful Planet Angel party weekend, mainly due to the afterparty being quite rad & featuring Arnon who was visiting from Canada & stopping by before he was flying back. Earlier that month I had both him & his girlfriend Cara staying over at mine for a few days, but hardly got to see them due to work & their sightseeing schedule. Can't wait to see them again next year at Burning Man :)

I finally gave up & got my hair cut, it's now a layered bob & much less of that mess that was gracing my head previously. Mysteriously, I seem to have developed somewhat wavy hair. I don't understand why & am not sure if I should be worried or pleased, my hair's always been straight as hell, but I can now definitely spot some wavyness to it.

The new flat is nice, it feels a lot more like home than the previous place ever did. My room's got all it's furniture now & I even bought a new bed (& a double duvet, today), all I need now is some decorative elements. My furniture is white, the bed is silver metal, the walls are white & the floor is some weird shade of charcoal/blue. I'm thinking some bamboo boxes to replace my shoebox storage & pink/purple colour touches. I had seen a great poster at Ikea (online), but unfortunately they didn't have it in the store. So now I'm on a quest to find grey/pink/white bed linen (need new covers as I didn't have a double duvet before) & something to put on the walls, although I'm not entirely sure how/if I can attach things to the walls as they seem to be rock hard.

What else? I've been working a lot, but seem to get recognition for it as well, which at least is something. Unfortunately being stressed & having manic workdays means I need the weekend to chill out & mainly slump on the sofa, which is not really what I call a banging social life. There are some parties coming up, so there's hope.

Hooray!

I'VE PASSED MY PROBATION!!!!

Words cannot explain how relieved I am. My boss came back from holiday, we had a catch up & he passed me without further ado. It's so great to get rid of this uncertainty. It does not, however, make my main client any easier to work with. But now that I don't have to constantly fear that one bad step will cost me my job, I can be a bit more relaxed. Also, my boss won't be going away again that soon, which makes things easier as well.

Not much else to report, really. I'm still packing my stuff for the move on Saturday, man&van (+John) are sorted for early afternoon. After lots of calls to our competent *cough* *cough* call center & FINALLY getting someone who knows their stuff with the third call, I've now got phone & broadband for the new place sorted. As in I'm paying for it for now, as it turned out we need an active (i.e. with number) phone line before any of the free staff offers can apply. I'm hoping that getting the rest set up won't take forever, but at least I'll have interwebs within the next 10 to 15 days. With all of that I'm surprised we're still wondering why sales are down.

I'm going to the dentist tomorrow to get the ugly temporary crown replaced with a shiny, permanent gold one. Happy days.

Oh, and two people I met on the playa in the Lost Penguins camp are coming over to London & staying at my new place. I'm excited & their visit happened just at the right time as now I've actually got sofa space to offer & understanding cooperative flatmates.

There actually seems to be a chance that I'll be back to my usual, happy, relaxed self end of this month.

Plans for when that finally happens are:

- loose weight (no excuse for chocolate binges anymore)

- go clubbing (should tie in nicely with the weight loss plans)

- catch up with everyone I've neglected due to being stressed/miserable/too busy

Yes, indeed.

The Edges Of The World

This week has been a totally mixed bag. I think I might've messed up my probation *again*, due to sending out a report with data that I thought was ok, but actually it wasn't. Apparently one department had known all day, but had neglected to tell anyone else. I thought the data looked a bit dodgy, but it had been looking like that since a week ago, so decided to send out the report. Big mistake. I don't know if they can really hold me responsible for this, as I honestly didn't know about the missing data logs that were causing problems, but they're probably going to say I should've spotted discrepancies etc. etc.

Due to all of that, I've spent the last 4 days nervous & quite anxious & really not very relaxed. I do like the job, although working with a certain person is hard, stressful & not very fulfilling at the moment. But the rest of his team are nice, I feel like I can move something. I'm very worried that my boss is going to tell me tomorrow that they're not going to make me permanent.

I have decided that, no matter what happens next week or on the 23rd (the official end of my probation), I'm going to try & get certified as a translator. It'll mean studying & exams again, something I thought I had left for good when I started working, but it would also give me a second leg to stand on, career wise. I'm not sure if I'm actually cut out for corporate life.

So, at the moment the light at the end of the tunnel quite possibly could turn out to be a train.

In addition to that, I'm preparing for moving to Acton next weekend. I've packed half of my room, have to sort out actually details for the man&van early next week, the furniture is built & as soon as Lynn has the hoover fixed I'll clean my room to get it ready to move in.

Oh, and I'll get the permanent crown fixed next week as well.

Not sure if that's what they mean when they say when it rains it pours. I'm glad when August is over, no matter which way things go, at least they're settled. This uncertainty is killing me, I just want to sit down & relax & just not have to worry anymore.

To get my mind off things for a little while, I met up with John today to do some culture. We hit the Hayward for Ernesto Neto's "The Edges Of The World", which also featured some Design exhibition which threw up the age-old question what actually should be considered art. We weren't exactly sure, but we were certain that none of the exhibits excited us much. Ernesto Neto, though, was stunning. You could touch it, smell it (cinammon, lavender...), walk through it & over it. It was so much fun!

To round the day off, we ate some al-fresco sushi at SoBa. While all of this didn't totally relax me, it was nice.

My boss is back tomorrow, I'm very apprehensive going to work & having a meeting with him. I so hope that everything turns out alright.

Wish me luck!

Adventures In Flatpack Land

I went to IKEA & bought things last Tuesday. I then spent Friday evening & Saturday afternoon assembling my purchases, helped by John who turned out to be astonishingly skilled with the (electric) screwdriver. It actually was kinda fun & strangely rewarding to build something that I can now use to put stuff into. Also, John & I were a good flatpack assembly team.

This means that my new room is now more or less ready for me to move in. Well, it still needs a proper hoovering which I'll hopefully be able to do on the coming weekend, provided Lynn has managed to fix our hoover.

After spending quite some time in the new flat it has somewhat grown on me, I feel quite positive & happy about the move & I think my room might be about the same size as my current one, which means I should be able to fit all my stuff in it unless I randomly buy more things in the next few days (not planning to do that).

Other than dealing with move/flat related issues, not that much has happened. I've been to the movies twice in the past 7 days. I've traveled all the way to Wood Green to watch Inception with Stu, Benjy & some others last week Wednesday. Unlike the others, I wasn't too impressed. Not sure about everybody else's dreams, but mine are a lot more surreal, exciting & weird than the ones they were dealing with in the film. I was expecting more mind-bending landscape action & some weirdness. It was rather bland & boring instead.

And I went to see Toystory 3 (in 3D) with John last night. It was good, I'm not (& have never been) a huge fan of the Toystory franchise, but the story was gripping & it was well executed.

This week so far is looking rather uneventful. I'll have to start sorting out stuff for the move soon, I'm planning a trip to the Hayward on Sunday for the Ernesto Neto exhibition. Might hit the park or the shops (depending on weather) on Saturday. I'm really quite happy not going out for a month or so, September will be busy on the party front again & after all what my body went through in the past month I think I deserve a bit of rest.

Oh, on that matter, my arm's healed now & is 99% functional again. My tooth now has a temporary crown, which will be replaced with a full gold one next week. I had some sleep issues lately which seem to have been sorted out by taking some 5 HTP before going to bed. Now all I need is to get my weight back to a pre-London figure.

In The Secret Garden

I'm back from a long weekend in the Cambridgeshire countryside. Yes, I went to Secret Garden Party & it was absolutely awesome!

The trip there was a bit, errr, unplanned. I was supposed to get a lift from Jon's girlfriend on Friday, which was great as I had already taken Thursday to Monday off work which meant one more day of relaxing & getting ready. It also meant not paying £100 for a rental car that I couldn't really drive as my arm is still slightly dodgy. All was chilled & fine until I got a call around 4pm on Thursday asking if it would be ok if we drive down that evening... well, it was not really what I had had in mind, but it was her driving & who am I to argue. So I got my stuff ready & we left mine around 8.30pm. Then proceeded to get lost & got on the wrong motorway (why am I supposed to know that there's a M1 and a A1M???), subsequently arriving at the venue around 10.30pm. A LOT of faffing ensued while she got her stuff ready to meet the boys at the gate. I think we finally made it to our camp an hour later, where I had the pleasure to set up my tent in the dark (thank god my tent & I are good friends & I can quite easily set it up in most conditions). I didn't bother to head down to the festie once I was done & moved in around 2am, but decided to call it a night & postpone explorations until the morning.

The following days were filled with

* fish nibbling on my feet, which tickled a lot & left my feet a bit softer * witnessing a gorilla getting married to a banana * weird bunnies walking around & throwing shapes * a fantastic gig by Stereo:Type & Hybrid * the blimp on the lake burning on Saturday night with lots of fireworks & Chinese lanterns floating into the air * watching a dog fashion show * standing up for the British anthem & subsequently doing the birdie dance * watching mud wrestling at the Collo Silly Um * walking around lots * crossing the lake various times via a very wobbly bridge * being a total hippie * attending a raw food workshop * watching Shitfaced Shakespeare * trying on a Boe jumpsuit & it looked really good on me * eating very tasty vegan food * giving up on waiting for my camp mates who were the kings of faff * going on the ferris wheel at dawn * drinking tasty chai * & quite possibly a lot more that I don't quite remember...

Overall, a really good festival. The experience was slightly hampered by the trip home, which happened about half a day too late for my taste. I was kinda happy with the thought of going home Sunday night, as the festival calms down loads by then & there really wasn't anything new to do any more. My festival saturation was reached. But everybody else wanted to stay, so we did & I finally got home Monday 6pm, thanks to the extreme faffiness of my driver. I waited for half an hour by the car because she had to say goodbye to people she'd just met & of course all took much longer than it would have needed to. Next time I'm driving there myself again.

But despite of that, I had huge amounts of fun. The Friday night was spent with Stu & Robin, just wandering about. The Saturday night was spent watching The Gorillaz Soundsystem with a lovely stranger, who tagged along for the rest of the night with my camp.

I'm a bit under the weather right now, my stomach's gone somewhat wonky & I probably still need to catch up on quite a lot of sleep, but it was worth it.

See you in the garden...

A Totally Mixed Bag

There is an explanation for my silence...

So I met up with that guy from OKCupid on Thursday after my last post. Expect of some delays of the actual meeting (flights delayed & such), the evening was very enjoyable, we had lots to talk about but there was no spark. He took me to a lovely Japanese diner & to the Blues Bar. Very nice indeed. So all was well until he walked me to the bus. On the way there my foot got caught in a grate on the street, I tripped & fell. I hit the ground pretty hard, apparently it looked rather impressive, but didn't think much of my arm hurting afterwards. Got home, noticed that elbow was a bit swollen & stiff, but hey, it's bruised or possibly sprained. Spent the night in agony without much sleep, went to the doctor in the morning who sent me to A&E to get xrays. Turned out I fractured my elbow (radial head), only a tiny hairline fracture but enough to cause swelling & pain. Great, I thought, so I'm going to get one of those really cool coloured casts now, right?!

I didn't. All they did is give me a sling, told me to be careful & come back in a week. So I went home, called in sick, called my mum to get a little sympathy only to hear that she's broken her foot (which, obviously, scores you more cripple points), got recommendations for painkillers & subsequently stocked up on them, hung around for a bit watching TV & then went to bed at 8pm.

Woke up feeling a bit better, in less pain from the arm but still having a persistent toothache. Went to see a flat with Lynn & Kate which was quite, errrr, snug & well overpriced. Just because it's in Hammersmith doesn't mean you can charge way too much for it. Needless to say, our lower offer didn't get accepted.

The next offer got put down on a flat that was AWESOME but £300 over our budget. Despite the agents conviction that they would accept because we're great tenants, they didn't. Thanks for that.

Cue a week of almost non-stop flat hunting, arm in a sling & toothache. All not entirely pleasant. I went to the dentist again on Thursday morning, who confirmed my suspicion that the nerve in the tooth was quite irritated & most likely wouldn't calm back down on it's own. Thought he'd then get the instruments out to perform a root canal, only to get told that he can't do this & the specialist they have in the surgery is fully booked for the next 4 weeks, mainly due to the fact that he only comes in every 2nd week for a morning. My protests that I'm not willing to be on painkillers for that long only got me shrugged shoulders, so I took matters in my own hands & found myself an Endodontics specialist, who I've seen today & who will be performing a hopefully successful root canal on me on Thursday morning. It better works as I'm paying shitloads of money for it. After that I'll have to find someone capable of putting a decent crown/veneer on that tooth.

I got rid of that pesky sling on Friday after a visit to the doctor who told me to start using/moving the arm again. Hooray.

The flat hunting came to an end on Saturday when we put in an offer for a flat in Acton Town, a fall away from the tube station & above a dentist (irony?). It's got 2 tiny rooms & one big one, which I bagsied straight away. I need my space & the others were so keen on the flat that they said yes. It's got a massive lounge & kitchen, some very likely illegal outside space, bathroom & separate toilet. It's split level, which is lovely, but also on the main road which I really hope will be less noisy than what I've got now.

Personally, I would've gone on searching until the perfect flat comes along, but both Lynn & Kate thought THIS IS IT & who am I to argue. Anyway, the room's nice & big & I only pay £50 more than I'm paying now, have a bigger room & less travel time to work.

Oh, yes, work.

I had my end of probation chat today & they have decided to extend my probation by 6 weeks because a certain channel head who's a bit choleric had a fit because I made a mistake in a report (ok, twice which is not good, I know) & someone forwarded him an email that wasn't intended for him but for her & therefore worded a tiny bit more colloquial than it would have been if I'd know she'd just press forward. Anyway, that certain someone complained to my boss' boss' boss (very professional) & hence my probation period goes on for a bit longer. Not sure what to think of it. Yes, two mistakes in a row are VERY BAD INDEED (& careless), but I was having a pretty bad week which obviously doesn't count in that regard.

I've now got to step up my game a little & show them that I'm awesome & do all things right. Hmpf. They really should know by now, I've only been there for 7 months.

Interestingly enough, I'm getting a bonus. Go figure. It makes total sense. Really, it does.

So far, this month has been continously picking me up & then kicking me again. I'm entirely not impressed, but am hoping that once August comes along, all will be sunshine, fluffy clouds & fairies.

It better be.

(your idea of a fairy may vary)

Getting Steamy With The Wallpaper

I did some DIY last week. Indeed!!! And it was pretty enjoyable, especially as people kept feeding me things to make the work go faster :)

But really, I liked getting my hands dirty & helping friends out. After all, once everything is done & the place looks nice & cosy I'll be crashing on their sofa at parties. It's only fair that I do my share. I've offered to help again this week, not sure when yet.

Other than scraping paper off walls & pointing hot steam at the parts that wouldn't come off otherwise, I went to see the Unexpected Opera guys perform again. This time they did "Orpheus Down Under", which was great, outside at the Scoop & absolutely free. I kinda enjoyed "The Barber of Saville Row" a tiny bit more, simply coz I liked the music better. It's so cool that you can do stuff like that in London!

I also attended another one of Paul's birthday bbq's. The bbq last year made me decide to go vegan (nothing to do with the bbq itself, overdosing on meat just sealed the deal) & I really wasn't there coz I liked Paul so much but to keep John company. He's got some really lovely friends, unfortunately Paul isn't one of them. But yeah, the boys smoked some sausages & turned perfectly good steaks into charcoal, while I leisurely barbequed my veggie burger. There were some good conversations & some where you just had to ignore the person it was coming from. All in all, a nice sunny day out in the garden. Worse things have happened.

Oh, and before I forget: Germany beat England in the World Cup. Cue German smugness. We didn't follow the game on TV as that was upstairs in John's flat & we were in the garden, instead we listened to the radio. The reporters were making it really had to make out whether they were shouting coz England had scored or because they hadn't. Anyway, 4 to 1, suckers!

There also was a spell of lettings agent visitng on Friday and some flat hunting on Saturday. Not very successful, as we didn't see anything we really liked. The two properties we say weren't exactly bad, but seeing that we still have 2 months we can be picky. I've sent off the notice to our landlords today, so it's final, I'm leaving this flat & the flatmates behind. It's a bit scary, but I'm also very much looking forward to new people & a new place.

It think that about sums up my activities of the last few days. This week probably got some more DIY lined up & I've also been chatting to a bloke on that dating site who might want to meet me. After the last banter I had kinda got lost in the sands of time & the interwebs I'm sceptical, but who knows, maybe this time. He sounds nice enough.

That Pretty Much Sums It Up

Tuning The Raspberry

Last night I saw Beardyman play in a giant, purple, upside down cow. As you do, obviously.

I took the train to Waterloo after work, which actually was pretty relaxing & totally trouble-free. We had dinner at the Wasabi's in the station. I got some sushi & a seaweed salad, which was not quite as tasty as it looked but still alright. We then ambled towards the river, following the "To the cow" signs. Not that the cow was hard to spot, really. I mean, yes, London comes up with crazy things, but it's not every day that you happen across a rather large cow which is not only bright purple but, in fact, a music venue.

We installed ourselves in the very pleasant beer garden in front of the cow, had a drink, had another wonder, joined the queue for the entrance, bumped into Tom & Emma & finally made it inside. We got really good seats, not that the venue had really bad seats in the first place, it's tiny.

Beardyman's set was awesome, even more awesome than the last gig I went to as this time, it being a much smaller venue, he actually joked around for a while before getting down to business. If I could I'd go see him again straight away! Seriously, that man is a god on the beatbox & this is from someone who doesn't really like beatboxing all that much. He's funny, a total entertainer, although he seemed to be somewhat upset about the fact that FRANK had turned down his idea for promoting the service... one wonders why.

We headed home pretty much straight afterwards as it was already late & I still had to check my brother's presentation (which I did once home & then finally fell into bed around 1am).

I'm going to the dentist tomorrow morning, which had saved me from attending the volunteer day but probably won't save me from being in even more pain tomorrow. Also, I'll have the pleasure to go to work afterwards & spend the day in the office, while my colleagues have the afternoon off to watch the England game. Methinks I won't do any overtime tomorrow...

One Week Holiday

I have spent the last 5 days with my family in Germany. It was really enjoyable, I just relaxed, ate Mum's homecooked food & actually managed to get a sunburn. As usual, I went over with a half empty suitcase & came back with a suitcase full of stuff I just can't get in the UK (like Tempo tissues & antibacterial washing liquid). In some ways, I miss living in Germany. The houses are bigger, it's way more organised than the UK could ever be, it's clean. Oh, and the doctors are better.

I made the mistake to go to the dentist on Monday, before leaving for Germany. I should've just waited & get my teeth done at the huge clinic in Aachen. Anyway, apparently there was a filling that needed to be replaced, which they did. Since then I've been in pain. The cavity was larger than the dentist thought, so she had to take off more tooth & make a deeper filling. I used to have a simple silver filling which didn't cause any problems at all. Now I have a white filling & it hurts. Most of all, it seems to be gradually getting worse. I popped over to the dentist back in Germany, who told me to wait until tomorrow & go back to get the filling re-done if the pain was still there. I'm really pissed off, I haven't had any tooth aches for, errr, at least 10 years & now I'm in pain for something that's not even my fault.

Anyway, the next filling that needs replacement will have to wait until I'm back in Germany.

In flat-related news, I've decided to abandon current flatmates & flatshare with Lynn & Kate for a change. We're looking for a 3 bed (or more) flat or house around Acton or Hammersmith. I'm pretty excited, it would be awesome if we'd find a house with garden! I've got next Friday off & probably head over to Acton/Chiswick to see what the local estate agents have on offer. The only problem is that we have to be out of this flat by 15 August, so time's running & I'm slightly scared that we won't find anything in time. Everybody else seems to be fairly relaxed, though, & if push comes to shove I just look for a short-term let in a random flatshare, I guess.

I can't believe that my week off is already over, I so need more holidays! While I'm fairly happy in my current job I just don't think that permanent employment is the way forward. There are definite advantages of contracting, although the uncertainty of the next job would probably drive me mental.

Tomorrow evening I'm dragging John along to Beardyman @ the Udderbelly, then there's some work social work thing event on Wednesday that I'm still trying to get out of, if the weather's nice (i.e. dry) we're going to watch an opera @ the Scoop on Thursday. Oh, yeah, & NO WORK on Friday, did I mention that already.

I've got a few more weekends that aren't fully booked until the 2 festies in July & really want to use them to find a new accomodation. It's strange, I can't see any further into my future than August, which seems to have been the most pivotal month of recent years (BM last year, moving this year). There will be travel in autumn & I so hope that there will be positive developments in my love life for once, but that's all quite vague & uncertain.

Well, yeah.

Changes Ahead

It has been two weeks, I know. Don't look at me like that, I still love you.

In those 2 weeks, there has been the last Planet Angel until autumn, a birthday-afterparty, a trip to the IMAX & a meeting with my favourite lead guitarist.

In order of appearance, let's start with the trip to the IMAX. Stu had suggested to go watch "Prince Of Persia" on the big screen, yes, the movie adaption of that console game. It could only be ridiculously bad, I thought, but actually it was rather nice. Like watching a 90 minute computer game, & I rather enjoy watching someone playing a computer game, so it all worked out. It did help that Jake Gyllenhal is proper eyecandy.

Next up, Planet Angel. I was really tired & had been for the whole week, mainly due to not being able to sleep very deep (somehow). Therefore I had been really, really tempted to just not go, despite having a ticket & all, but managed to convince myself that all would be fine once I got there & for once there were loads of people I knew attending. I got there still not convinced that I really wanted to be there, but in the end it turned out to be a pretty good night. I didn't do too much dancing, but talked to lots of people, made a new friend & got many hugs. And yes, I went to the afterparty as this was also a combined birthday party & again, all turned out absolutely enjoyable. Andy was there & very cuddly towards me, Emma was there & very cuddly towards me - all I needed, really. Throw in more lovely friends & munted entertainment & you get a rather happy me. I finally trundled back home early on Saturday evening, still in the afterglow which is probably the best way to cope with London transport.

The following week was, unsurprisingly, a bit rough. My brain only returned to almost normal functionality on Thursday, maybe I'm actually getting too old for this (erm, no, I don't think so).

Last weekend was quiet, I didn't go out Friday or Saturday, but went to Westfield on Sunday with John. We got there relatively early (noon), which unbeknownst to us was just when they opened. It was almost empty for the first hour or so, which made browsing the shops so much more pleasant. I bought a lovely strawberry nighty, which is way too cute to just wear it in bed so I might combine it with jeans & use as a top. We had lunch at the food court (lebanese nibbles, yummy), browsed some more & had a vegan milkshake. John had to head off around 3pm to meet up with his brother & have dinner with the family, so I got on the bus to Acton to return some dresses I'd foolishly bought on the interwebs (Pearl Lowe for Peacocks). To my defence I must say they looked so much better & more high quality online, in real life they were pretty disappointing & didn't even fit me. Got a refund for two (hooray) & only kept one of them.

On Tuesday I met up with Robin, who I hadn't seen for almost a year (I think). He's recently split up with his girlfriend, is couch surfing at a friend's & is broke. Not that much has changed since I last saw him, really. Spend the evening having dinner at Wetherspoons & catching up.

Now it's Saturday, I've been lounging on the roof terrace for a while taking advantage of the bit of sun that occasionally manages to wriggle itself out of the clouds. I'm heading over to the Monkey House later for a bit of socialising & to get my hair cut. Wish me luck.

Tomorrow I'm meeting up with Lynn to look at a flat she found & which I might move into with her & Kate. Carmen came home last night with the news that she has been offered a great job in Bristol & probably will leave London, which prompted me to bring up that I'm thinking of changing flats & flatmates. I have been feeling for a long time that I need a change of scenery, my room is too noisy & I just want something else. The decision is not final yet, but it all points towards a new flat.

Changes are in the air.

I've also started to feel the need to change me. Not quite sure how to do that, though. I definitely have to loose some weight to fit into all my clothes again, but I can't help but feeling that I might need change on a deeper level as well. Lots of things have been just ambling along in my life, it is as if I'm just getting dragged along instead of actively taking charge. I want closer relationships with my friends (which would involve me trying to see them more often), I need a holiday somewhere that's not Europe, I want to change my style a bit, I want to be happier.

I'll keep you posted how I get on.

Park Life

Has it really been a full week since I last posted? Time flies like mad at the moment, which is quite disconcerting. Not surprisingly, I haven't managed to do a lot of the things on my to do list. It actually was too hot in my room to exercise on the weekend as we had a sudden & very short lived bout of summer. I have gone out & socialised quite a bit, though, which was very enjoyable.

On Friday evening a friend from the old days in Cologne who visits London about once a year came over to mine. We got a take away (Phad Thai), had a massive catch-up & trecked down to Brixton (of all places) to see Infected Mushroom. The gig was scheduled to be at Matter down in lovely Greenwich, but had to be relocated last minute because Matter had spontaneously closed down a few days ago. The organisers had managed to secure an alternative venue, which unfortunately was The Fridge in Brixton. Now, there are definitely nicer parts of London to take a visitor than grubby Brixton & nicer venues than The Fridge. Anyway, we couldn't change it & were rather happy that they hadn't just cancelled the whole thing. Well, we were until we actually got to The Fridge, which is very likely the hottest fridge I've ever been in. Not that I've been in a lot of fridges... if you don't count loitering around the freezer section in the supermarket during summer heatwaves. It was hot, smelly & crowded. We had a walk around, dropped our stuff off at the cloakroom, I bumped into various people I didn't know would be there, we had a quick & sweaty boogie & then decided to install ourselves in the corner near the exit as this seemed to be the only place that was a bearable temperature. The attending monkey selection turned up & after an exploration of the place had to admit that the place we were was probably the best place to be, although we did loose two of them to the dancefloor. Some people just never learn.

The DJs they had lined up as support were awesome, I danced until I couldn't move anymore & then some. Mushroom delivered a solid gig, they seem to be hit & miss with me & this was more of a hit than a miss, although their songs all seem to sound the same. We even stayed for a bit afterwards as someone I know was Djing in the other room, but it was even hotter in there & also smelled really funny & he was not even on yet, so after an hour or so of aimlessly wandering about we decided to call it a night & ventured to the station to find a bus to take us into town.

I finally made it into bed around 6am, after downing a bottle of water & having a shower to de-sweat myself. I actually managed to catch a decent amount of sleep, although not quite enough, to be coherent at about 1pm (I'd stayed sober all through the night, so no real reason to be feeling shite). I knew that a few people were having a picnic in Regent's Park, so I got myself organised & bussed to Camden. Found the people I was looking for & enjoyed a day outside in the sun. Very, very nice.

After quite an early night on Saturday I met up again with Ellen on Sunday for an early lunch at that vegan restaurant in West Brompton. It was earthy, good food, not amazing but tasty. Afterwards she went off to have a walk around Hampstead Heath & I went to Finsbury Park for yet another picnic. The directions had been quite vague ("we're under a tree near a group of tree on the other side of the rugby fiel"... I didn't even know there was a rugby field) & it took quite some time wandering about to find everyone. Another truly enjoyable day in the sun was had, with spinny things & foodstuffs.

Monday was all hot & muggy & spent in the air-conditioned office working like mad.

It's all cold & grey again now, I basically went from flip flops & summer dresses to tights & coats. It's also very windy again & my hayfever has hit full force after I was starting to feel quite smug that I wasn't as miserable this year.

I'm going to the IMAX tomorrow to watch "Prince of Persia" which no doubt is going to be rubbish but means perving over Jake Gyllenhall on the massive screen for 2 hours. Then it's Angel for the last time before autumn & a combined birthday & afterparty @ the Zoo. Another birthday, this time in picnic form on bank holiday Monday & then back to work.

I'm feeling slightly less fat (but haven't checked my weight to keep the fantasy alive) & my breasts are almost back to normal size coz I've got my period. I'm still feeling stressed, overworked & in need of some time off, which will be happening in June with a visit to Germany. We seem to have an undercurrent of restructuring going on at work, which apparently doesn't affect us, but we'll see.

At the moment all I want is a decent night's sleep & more of that picnic/hanging out with friends thing.

Resurfacing

 
Things that what happened in the days since the last update:

I've got a new phone! Hooary! In the end, and with an awful lot of procrastination & to-ing & fro-ing I went for the HTC Legend on a Vodafone contract. The number (my old one) went live today & I'm slowly getting to grips with high tech shiny phone. I've basically moved from stoneage (4 year old Motorola Razr) to spaceage. I now has interwebs on tha phone!

My hayfever is back. This coincides with the weather getting sunnier & warmer, which is extremely annoying as I like the weather, but not sneezing myself to death. At the moment my options are a) take antihistamines, stop sneezing but feel tired & turn into a zombie or b) not take antihistamines, have massive sneezing fits and feel tired & turn into a zombie. I'd go for option c) if there was one, but I haven't found it yet.

I really have to do something about my weight. I don't want to get fat again & I definitely want to fit into my cute summer dresses (yeah, if I had some). So far I've identified nuts as the main culprits for my weight gain. Yes, they're healthy, but I was eating way too many. I'd want to go on a sugar detox, but I'm not sure anyone would still talk to me afterwards. It's a thought I'm entertaining, anyway. Things would be awesome if I'd manage to get through the first week without killing/offending anyone & not go crazy.

Another thing (boys might want to skip this paragraph) is that my breast are incredibly tender at the moment. They're massive, tight, heavy & swollen. It doesn't feel nice. I used to get this quite often when I was younger & not on the pill, but now I'm on the pill, PMS shouldn't happen & still my breasts turn against me. A healthier diet (less salt, caffeine & stress) might fix this, I'm also suspecting that I'm eating too much soy at the moment, which can act as estrogen source. I'm really fond of my soymilk in the morning & in my tea & I love tofu, but I've just bought some rice milk to see if I can use that as a replacement at least occasionally. I don't want to have to buy new bras...

Oh, and I'm still working like mad. It's staring to interfere with my life, which is not good. I'm too tired & braindead in the evening to actually still want to do stuff & meet people, & I don't want that. I love my social life & my friends, I need that to be happy & functioning. I haven't quite figured out what I could do to fix this, as work obviously won't just calm down (althought it might, well, no, not really).

So, what's the plan, Stan? Things I want to get done in the weeks to come:

• find something that makes my breast behave normal again
• loose weight/eat healthier
• get back into rebounding at least 4 times a week with a yoga session afterwards, I've been neglecting this due to feeling ill/shit/stressed
• really make a bit more effort to find a boy, OKCupid's just not cutting it
• be more sociable again, even if I have to force myself a little
• get doctor's appointments sorted out for next month
• make sure I relax & not just mope around

Yeah, I Know

 I haven't posted for a while. I know. I've noticed. I felt almost guilty, but then decided that me whingeing every day how busy at work I am & how much braindeadedness this is causing probably would get a bit boring after a while.

So only once: I have been really, really busy at work the last week or so, or whenever I last blogged, which has killed my brain & my creativity & my will to write. I'm also still battling the remainder of that cold I had after Easter, which I think has now turned into a bacterial sinusitis & just doesn't want to go away. I went to see the doctor today, who was very understanding & actually took the time to check all kinds of things (blood pressure, heart, lung, ears, throat) but wasn't quite sure what we're dealing with, even after he looked up the symptoms on the web (that part was slightly disconcerting, but at least he made an effort). I now have a prescription for antibiotics, although we both weren't quite sure if they would help.

I actually managed to get my PUK code from t-mobile who didn't try very hard to keep me as a customer, probably due to me being on the cheapest contract ever (£10 a month). I feel they could've a least tried to convince me to get a slightly more expensive contract with that lovely HTC phone, but then again, I think I'll try my luck with either Vodafone or Orange next. Quite possibly this weekend.

There has been a very lovely Monkey party last weekend, there should be more of these.

I'm actually now messaging 2 boys on OKCupid, intermittently, and might even go for a coffee with one of them. Unbelieveable.

And now I'm going to disappear again, will be back when I feel a bit more chatty.

Watching The Birds

I have been feeling decidedly meh the last 7 days. I'm not in the mood for much, I've still got a cold/hayfever, I made the mistake to check my weight & that really wasn't a good idea.

Hence, most of the week was spent feeling slightly sorry for myself, coughing a lot & otherwise not doing very much. I did manage to drag myself out on Thursday to watch Soap at the Hammersmith Riverside Studios with Lynn & it was brilliant! It was only a very small production, tiny stage filled with a group of bathtubs & about 6 or 7 performers. But the ideas were good & the circus skills shown were pleasantly different from your usual London displays. Highlights included a girl juggling rings with her feet (never seen such bendy, flexible feet in my life!) and an opera singer going through versions of "Splish Splash" with classical music in the background. Highly enjoyable.

Friday evening saw me back in procrastination mode & getting nothing done. Yesterday was a bit more active, I joined flatmate for a trip to Borough Market where I bought garlic leaves & purple carrots & then travelled onwards to the Barbican to check out the curve exhibition. This meant queueing for about 30 minutes, but it was well worth it. The exhibit looks really simple when you come in (& it is, but fabulous as well), just at few electric guitars & drum highhats with wooden planks to walk on between them. Then there's lots of zebra finches, tiny, tiny birds, extremely cute. Everytime they land on one of the instruments, the motion in translated into sound, so a mini bird landing on a guitar string makes quite an impressive noise. It's so fun to watch!

Afterwards I grabbed a coke & a cookie & sat down outside the Barbican at the "lake", then went back home with a stopover at the shops.

We spent the evening watching TV & one of my slightly illegally acquired dvds, Dorian Gray. It wasn't all that great, really, I've never seen the original movie so can't compare, but the remake definitely lacked some oomph.

I haven't done anything today so far, except from another treck to the shops after realising I was missing a vital ingredient (potatos) for the sauerkraut casserole I'm planning to cook tonight & playing Echo Bazaar which is incredibly good but also very addictive.

Things I should've got done this weekend include
- getting the PAC code from t-mobile to finally get new phone sorted (I wants the HTC Desire/Legend)
- hit the shops to find pretty new summer dresses for work & leisure (this was put on hold after finding out that I put on loads of weight)
- getting trenchcoat altered, the arms are way too long
- exercise (put on hold due to persisent cough)
- do something other than play computer games & watch TV

Oh, I did the laundry. Big achievement.

I've still not managed to get going with the whole internet dating thing. I occasionally log on, then immediately loose interest after reading one or two emails (& seeing the pictures). Why can't I just employ a matchmaker to find me the perfect guy? (yes, I know, you should be prepared to at least make a bit of effort... give me some time...).

I really hope I get out of this shitty mood soon, I'm starting to annoy myself.

We Do Have Spring

The landlord finally fixed our plumbing issues on Friday. I'm not sure if it's normal, but I find having to deal with stuff like that terribly exhausting & it didn't help that she/the plumber had left a "bit of a mess" in the flat. I subsequently spent most of Friday evening mopping the floor & cleaning the bathroom. Not my idea of a relaxing evening & by the time I had finished it was too late & I was too tired for a party, especially as it would've involved a 1 hour trip to E17. Shame, really.

It didn't help at all that we later discovered that they'd unplugged the washing machine when fixing the drains... I left it to flatmate to deal with that mess as she wanted to do some laundry. I really hope that there are no further problems for a while, I'm so fed up with it.

Yesterday early afternoon I made my way all the way out to Eastcote for Jay's afternoon/evening of movies & fun. It was a lovely day, warm & sunshiney, so we (most of the Monkeys, which was really cool) played in the park before heading back to the flat (awesome flat, massive & very pretty) to make pizza, play Wii & watch a movie. I'm not sure why, but I felt slightly detached from it all, not bad but not quite in the moment. I occasionally managed to snap out of it & it didn't stop me from enjoying the evening, but I felt I was not there with all my thoughts.

This feeling has carried over to today & as much as I'd like, I can't blame it on a night of partying & no sleep as I actually got a ride back into town & was home around 3am. I didn't sleep all that well, mainly because I had a million thoughts running through my head, but enough to wake up on my own feeling rested. I can't put a finger on it what's wrong, I suspect it's a mixture of being single while most of my friends are coupled up (& even getting married, wow!) & work/landlord related stress. It's just all too much at the moment. I tried to make the best of the sunshine by sitting on the roof terrace until the sun got blocked by the house & feel a bit guilty for not taking advantage of the great weather more by heading out to the park, but all I want to do at the moment it mope & feel a tiny bit sorry for myself for undisclosed reasons. If you could order weather matching your mood today would've been cold & rainy as to give me an excuse to watch TV all day.

I really hope that next week is going to be more relaxed, although I already know that tomorrow will be very busy at work with one big report & some smaller ones. I want to get back into exercising at least 3 times a week or more & I probably should start watching what I eat again as the pounds just seem to be piling on & that in turn does not improve my mood at all.

There are things to look forward to, like going to see "Soap" with Lynn on Thursday, Beardyman on 1st May and the Monkey Party on 7th May. I need to find something cool/nice/sociable to do for next weekend...

The Nuts & The Bolts

The usual excuses for not updating more often. Various reasons.

The Easter Weekend was a really mixed bag. Planet Angel had it's ups & definite downs, one of them being me really misjudging someone's interest. Good music, though, and some lovely people. The afterparty was only me & the members of the Zoo, which was fine - I enjoy having them in my life.

Easter Sunday was spent sleeping & relaxing, I didn't feel particularly sociable but not down either, I was quite happy being on my own, surfing the web & watching TV later.

John popped round on Easter Monday & we watched "The Rules of Attraction" together, well, half of it until out internet went a bit poo and the film kept buffering. Watched the rest of the movie, with interruptions, after John left.

Tuesday was a really busy day at work, but I got through it. Unfortunately my nose imploded on me in the late afternoon (well, not literally, of course) - I couldn't stop sneezing! It might've been the payback for my earlier smugness of not having caught a cold for a while... Felt quite rough the next few days & didn't do much except leave a trail of tissues whereever I went & going to bed early to get lots of sleep.

Flatmate & I had booked ourselves a ticket for the underground restaurant in Kilburn for Friday. I would post the link, but honestly, it's not worth it. We loved the idea, we enjoyed the evening in the company of talkative, nice people, but the food was not very good & with £30 a head seriously overpriced. I could've cooked a better meal! The host also claimed to have never gotten my email informing them that I don't eat dairy (she also didn't get someone else's notification that he's allergic to fish) & there was quite a bit of cheese on the menu, which was

pizza bread with olives or tomatos

green asparagus topped with mimosa (an egg-flour mix)

squid ink risotto with green salad

cheese board

lemon & bergamotte cream-something

The pizza bread things were fluffy & very tasty, the green asparagus was well seasoned & made me realise that I actually like green asparagus (I despise the white variety), not too convinced about the egg stuff on top. The squid ink risotto was dry as f**k, more like dry black rice with some parmesan stirred in & the salad was just a few leafes with a way too vinegary dressing. The cheese board was ok, a nice selection but not enough crackers/bread & chutney, the cream-whatever-it-was was very rich & I really don't know where the bergamotte was supposed to be. As said before, I could've cooked more inspired & nicer tasting stuff, the portions were way too small. We didn't bring our own wine, otherwise we'd had to pay £5 corkage (she was also selling bottles of wine for £12). It felt like a massive rip-off, especially because or hostess kept telling us how great she is, trying to sell massively overpriced photographs she took (£250, apparently that's what she's studied) & that she's making a living with this. She probably made a grand that night (cramming 32 people into her front room), but she won't be seeing us again.

We are keen to try other restaurants in someone's living room, though. Apparently there is an Indian family hosting dinner nights for smaller groups & you only pay as much as you think it was worth. Very intruiging.

Saturday turned out to be a lovely, warm & sunny day. I woke up early & just couldn't go back to bed as it just felt wront to spend a day like this sleeping. Therefore I got on the Overground to Kew Gardens to meet up with a few others & check out the cherry walk. Which was there, but unfortunately the cherry trees weren't quite ready to bloom yet. Same issue with the bluebells. There were some flowers, however, & the greenhouses were awesome. It was a great day out in the spring sun & got back home happy & tired (all that fresh air & walking around, you know).

Had a lie-in on Sunday & then went off to find a birthday present for flatmate. Not sure if I was entirely successful, but I've got something now & I'm sticking with it. Later that day I bussed to Camden to meet up with a guy I met a Planet Angel a week earlier. It was cool, but he's a complete nutter! Really, I haven't had the "pleasure" to spend time with someone that crazy for quite a while. He hasn't worked a day in his life & is relying on benefits & the odd job, which he claims is totally cool & he actually seemed proud to pass his time taking drugs & hanging out. Apparently he's just waiting for a sign telling him it's time to run away & live as a nomad, afterwards he plans to train as a shaman. It was quite amusing listening to him, but I'm not particularly keen to repeat the experience.

The last 2 days have been not as restful as I'd liked them to be. Work was busy as usual, but not overly so. I started excercising again, cleaned the flat, did laundry, called my parents & prepared food for lunch. I also called our landlord to get her to fix the almost blocked shower drain. All she's done so far is come in, pour drain unblocker into the drain & completely block it. It also seems to have done something to the pipe, as there now is water running out of the shower pedestal. This means that I couldn't use the shower, kitchen sink or washing machine since last night, which is really annoying. Apparently she's coming round tomorrow to fix everything. Thank goodness I'm alone in the flat at the moment, but having to be inventive to do the dishes was not my idea of evening entertainment.

Let's hope all is fine when I come home tomorrow evening. The coming weekend is fully booked if I want it to, with a party in E17 on Friday & a movie weekend at Jay's Saturday/Sunday. I'm looking forward to the latter & will decided spontaneously if I'll attend the Friday party. And maybe, maybe I'll log in to OKCupid sometime. Not very likely, though...